Communication Killers

by Kathy Cooperman

As a leader, you are in the business of communication. Those around you are keenly aware of the messages you send.

What are the most common communication killers?

When stress mounts and pressure increases, you may find yourself falling into some of the following communication traps.

1. “You” language

Beginning sentences with “you” puts up a barrier between you and the other person. He/she naturally becomes defensive and goes into protection mode.

Examples:
- You didn’t get your report in on time.
- You were late coming back from lunch.
- You said you would deliver the package to the customer.

Try beginning your sentences with “I” statements. Let’s improve the examples above:

- I noticed that your report was turned in after the deadline.
- I was hoping we could start our meeting at 1:00. What kept you from getting back on time?
- I spoke with our customer this afternoon; she called asking when she could expect her package to be delivered.

2. Always and never
Similar to “you” language, using “always” and “never” will cause the listener to prepare an argument against your accusation. It’s unlikely that anyone does a certain behavior “always” or “never”. It may be true that the person frequently or rarely does what you’re suggesting but probably not 100% of the time.

3. Compliment/praise and then . . . “but”
A common complaint from employees is that their supervisors occasionally offer a vague compliment or praise and then follow it up with “but . . .”
Whatever the compliment might have been, it’s immediately negated when the person hears the word “but.” The employee has learned that the real message comes after the “but.”
Example: Joe, you do quality work, but you almost always miss the deadline.

4. Little or no eye contact
In our culture, most people expect eye contact when communicating face-to-face. Research studies have found that avoiding eye contact sends a number of potentially negative messages. I’ve worked with leaders who are overly attached to their smart phones. Sometimes their employees complain that their leader is constantly looking at their phone instead of making eye contact.

When that happens, the employee assumes the boss is:
- Not interested in him/her
- Not respectful of their time
- Not truthful
- Not confident
- Or various other negative assumptions

5. Interrupting
Another irritating habit is when the leader repeatedly interrupts the employee. Employees say that they can’t finish a sentence without the boss interrupting and correcting them or finishing their sentences for them.

6. Email irritants
Email communication has brought up more communication pitfalls than just about anything else in recent history. The biggest violators include:

- “Replying to all” when you meant to only send it to a specific person
- Condescending language (Example: “You surely know by now . . .”)
- No response—ignoring someone’s email, especially when that sender asked a question or requested a response
- Being too abrupt in your words (Example: “Yes” or “No”, without any explanation)
- Not proofreading—overlooking obvious errors.

Kathy Cooperman, an executive coach and leadership expert, is the president and founder of KC Leadership Consulting LLC. For more information, contact her at kathy@kathycooperman.com, www.kathycooperman.com or 1 (866) 303-1996 or 303-522-2114.