by Julie Tuggle-Nguyen
Part 1 of the Series: Making Hard Employee Conversations Easier
Most small business leaders don’t struggle because they don’t care about their people. They struggle because they care deeply. And that’s exactly why some of the most important leadership moments are also the most uncomfortable.
Over the next few months, this article series will focus on one of the hardest — and most essential — parts of leadership: having difficult employee conversations. From addressing performance issues and behavior concerns to navigating growth, expectations, and accountability, these conversations shape culture, trust, and long-term success.
This series is designed to make those moments easier. Not by offering scripts or shortcuts, but by breaking the process into practical, manageable steps: the mindset behind hard conversations, how to prepare effectively, best practices for the conversation itself, and how to follow through in ways that strengthen relationships.
We’ll begin where every effective conversation starts: understanding why these discussions feel so hard in the first place — and why avoiding them almost always makes things worse.
Why Hard Conversations Feel Hard
At its core, feedback is about human behavior, emotion, and identity. When we offer feedback, we’re not just addressing a task or outcome; we’re touching someone’s sense of competence, belonging, and value.
If that is uncomfortable for you, you’re not alone. In a survey(1) of nearly 8,000 managers, more than one in five admitted they avoid giving negative feedback altogether. Even more surprising, over a third said they avoid giving positive feedback as well. That tells us something important: feedback itself — not just “difficult” feedback — is a skill many leaders struggle to practice consistently.
Several common barriers get in the way:
• Lack of experience. Feedback can feel hard if you’ve never experienced it done well. Have you ever had a boss who gave you constructive feedback in a way that you could act on it?
• Skill level. Providing effective feedback is a learned skill. Many small business owners were never formally trained in how to deliver feedback clearly, respectfully, and constructively.
• Fear of consequences. Many leaders worry they’ll make things worse: damage the relationship, hurt morale, trigger defensiveness, or even lose the employee altogether.
In small businesses, these fears are amplified. Interactions are more personal and emotionally charged than in large corporate environments, where hierarchy and formal processes create distance. With employee turnover affecting not just the bottom line but the people and relationships behind the work, the stakes feel even higher.
The Real Cost of Avoiding Hard Conversations
Avoidance may feel like kindness in the moment, but over time it creates real damage.
• Silence breeds resentment. Unaddressed issues don’t disappear; they grow. Other employees notice uneven standards, frustration builds, and trust erodes.
• Performance stagnates. When expectations aren’t clearly communicated, employees can’t improve.
• Turnover increases. People don’t usually leave because of feedback. They leave because of confusion, unfairness, or lack of growth.
Research consistently shows that employees actually want constructive feedback. In a Harvard Business Review study(2) of nearly 900 professionals, 57% said they preferred corrective feedback over praise. Even more telling, 72% believed their performance would improve if their managers provided more corrective feedback. The message is clear: silence doesn’t protect people; it holds them back.
Reframing Feedback as a Leadership Responsibility
One of the most important mindset shifts leaders can make is this: Withholding feedback is not neutral. It’s a leadership decision with consequences. Constructive feedback is not about criticism or control. It’s about clarity, accountability, and growth.
To make hard conversations easier over time:
• Normalize feedback. Feedback shouldn’t be reserved for annual performance reviews. Regular feedback builds trust, strengthens relationships, and signals that you’re invested in your employees’ success. When feedback is part of everyday leadership, corrective conversations feel less threatening.
• Practice receiving feedback yourself. Leaders who are open to feedback model humility and growth. When employees see that feedback goes both ways, it becomes safer and more productive for everyone.
• Remember your intent. The goal is not to “win” a conversation. It’s to help someone succeed while protecting the health of the business.
Hard conversations don’t become easier because they stop being uncomfortable. They become easier because leaders build the mindset, skill, and confidence to handle them well.
Julie Tuggle-Nguyen is Chief Human Resources Officer at Midwest BankCentre.
1 Zenger, Jack. Folkman, Joseph. “Why Do So Many Managers Avoid Giving Praise?” Zenger Folkman, 2021, https://zengerfolkman.com/articles/why-do-so-many-managers-avoid-giving-praise/.
2 Zenger, Jack. Folkman, Joseph. “Your Employees Want the Negative Feedback You Hate to Give.” Harvard Business Review, 2014, https://hbr.org/2014/01/your-employees-want-the-negative-feedback-you-hate-to-give.